Tuesday, November 23, 2010

People Magazine, we have to call it quits

Dear People Mag,
Remember that time you were a reputable magazine. Readers would turn to you for the true facts of Hollywood news. Interesting stories about real people, and awesome picture spreads.
Well I have to say, you suck hard now. I don't think we can be friends any longer. I think I bought my last People mag today. Its been a long time coming, you just took the cake. You are trying to keep up with the US, OK, Star, which if you haven't noticed are all trash. It sucks that you just print news with out checking facts, in your magazine and online site.

Now for your Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 review.....WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SMOKING? Alynda Wheat, who ever the hell you are, let me tell you something YOU SUCK AT LIFE. YOU SUCK AT MOVIE REVIEWS.
You are obviously not a Potter fan or you would not have given this movie 2 stars out of 4. What the hell are you thinking crack head?
This movie was brilliant. Have you read the books? Have you viewed the other movies? If you have this review I am about to break down, should not let a Potter fan cringe like its going to.

"Sadly dividing J.K. Rowling's final Potter book into two films, how ever logical does more violence to the material than even Voldermort could handle."WHAT? Did you eat a bowl of shit for brains for breakfast? If you have read the book it NEEDED to be split. As for the violence, what? Did you read the book? I really need to know this. I am going to guess no, no you did not. Voldy is a mean ass mother fucker just so you know, so the movie actually sugar coated Mr. Voldy. The material that was included in this part of the movie is just what we needed. Somethings need to be cut out of the book, but they included pretty much everything needed for the non reader to "get" the story line.

"...the film underscores it's tediousness; at 2.5 hours its far to long."What? What? Whaaaaat? You are a fucking wack job. As a Potter fan, and I am sure I speak for other fans, we would have sat in that movie for 4 hours and ate everything up, loving it.

"A clever jaunt into the Ministry of Magic and brisk chase punctuate the dull stretches, but Part 1 is (and utterly feels) like set up for the next summers dramatic finale, with a mighty battle to decide the fate of the world.
If you wanted a action packed movie that filled up every second of the film with no clear plot or interesting dialog maybe you should have reviewed something else. Potter is not this movie, there is actually dialog needed, there is actually things that needed to be discussed, a mystery to be solved, the whole point for a damned movie you moron. It needed to be realistic. Of course this is a set up for the next movie, this is the first half of the book asshole.

"Take heart fellow Potter fan: A better film awaits."A better film awaits? What are you trying to be Alice Cullen now, predict the future? No you idiot Part 2 will be Brilliant, as Brilliant as Part 1....just you wait and see, oh and I cant wait to sit for 5 hours when they both come out on DVD and view both movies back to back. True fact, your are not telling us something that we don't already know.

So basically, your review was rubbish. Everything you wrote was the opposite of what the actual movie was... believe me..you call yourself a "Fellow Potter Fan" well Miss. Thang hand your Potter card in because this is an embarrassment.

I rolled my eyes so hard, I think they are stuck to the back of my head.

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