Wednesday, November 24, 2010

My Future 2nd Husband

Happy Thanksgiving all. I am thankful for all the important thing in life: Good Health, great family, awesome friends, employment, a home hey can't live life with out those things.

On a fun note I am thankful for my blackberry that gets me through my days, my car i love her, and my books, they save me from boredom. And I am thankful for the hotness that is Robert Pattinson. I just needed to post this, because he is full of pretty, and I am thankful, I can be drooling over him daily. Here have a peek.

"Can I take a picture of you, so I can show Santa just what I want for Christmas."

"Hey there has anyone told you that your name should be Delicious?"

"I was wondering if I could slide in between you and that railing and we can make a me sandwich?"

"Was that an earthquake or did u just rock my world?"

Things You Should Know Before You Go To A Justin Bieber Concert

My friend and I had the pleasure of taking our kids to see Justin Bieber a few weeks ago. I was stoked because I enjoy some Justin songs, singing and dancing to them with the kids. The fact that Justin is a little cutie isn't bad either.
We got word two days before the show that we would be able to meet him. MEET HIM. MEET JUSTIN BIEBER. omg omg omg OMMFG. This is totes going to make friend and I "Moms of the YEAR!"
We get to the arena around 3:30. Stand in line after line with tons of Tweens squeeing, crying, cheering what have you. We finally get let in at about 5:00pm. Another line. We are in the middle of about 200 tweens, and parents. We wait about 20 minutes to meet Justin. We have to go behind this curtain...shady much? We walk in an ooooohhhhhh ooohhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhh ahhhhhhh the angles start to sing, a beam of light shines, fairy dust and stars are swirling around him. (not really) It's really Justin. Oh he is a cutie pie. Mental slap, he is a child. The girls walk up to him to get their picture taken and say nothing. Friend and I walk to the side. The photographer tells us to get in the picture...OK! Woooo...I skip over to him saying "Hiiiiiiiii!" Justin says "what's up?" Oh nice voice you have going on there. Another Mental slap, Jail bait. So we get our picture taken, the kids are star struck into silence. We go to step away and Mr. Biebers finger gets stuck in my wristlette purse after he feels up my arm. All you had to do is ask for my number Justin, you don't have to try to steal my purse. Mental punch, he is younger then my sibling.
We leave and get to the stair well and SQUEEEEEEE. Yes all 4 of us are so excited. I mean the kids have every right, but my friend and I not so much. It was an awesome expierence. So we leave the meet and greet and get seated for the show. The kids are fecking STOKED!

If you ever have to to go or want to go to a Justin Concert here are a lits of things you should know:

>Girls. Girls. Lots of Girls
>those girls ^ thousands all in one place = Loud. no, they are FUCKING LOUD. Unless you've been to a Beiber concert as an adult, you have NEVER heard anything like this in your life, I promise you this.
>You will plug your ears when the screaming comes
>2nd hand embarrassment, I had it for some of these girls. I wanted to hug them and take them away. Example: a Mother of 1 tween, and a young boy around 7 years old wore and I am not exaggerating: Silver sequined mini dress, paired with Thigh High platform boots, topped with a mini jean jacket, huge designer purse, and large sun glasses. She looked like she went tanning that morning or used way to much toner. Bleached long dry hair.
>You will not be able to help your self if you like Justin or not, if your kid listens to him, you will know the songs, and you will sing along to all the songs that you know.
>You realize that you know more of the songs than you think and you sing sing sing and your friend gives you the side eye, then laughs at you.
>Sean Kings-TON (say in a Jamaican accent please) is a cutie Jamaican boy, who I like to call Baby Biggie, is a pretty awesome kid.
>Justin actually sings live, and dances and plays 3 instruments.
>Justin had about 7 wardrobe changes.
>When Just asks "where are my single ladies" you scream anyway even though you are a married mom of two, and you are old enough to be Justin's Cougar.
>You will sit there with your friend and calculate how old you will be when he turns 18
>When you are getting ready to meet Justin, your throat goes dry and you want to hurl. But then you see him and you are all like "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii" as you skip over to him for a photo.
>Then you leave the meet and greet and you are squeeing with your daughters "OMG he touched my shirt, back, shoulder, arm, he hand got stuck on my purse, and I had to yank it off his finger"
>Justin has pretty skin and very white teeth.
>Some of the fans, should of not left the house in some of their outfits, or lack there of.
>Girls Sharpee Beiber on their Bellies, cheeks, arms, "cleavage".
>You will make your own ear plugs, example: Ipod earphones were used, as well as balled up strings from your hoodie shirt shoved in your ears.
>That little fucker is a rich mo foe, everything was 15.00 and over.
>You will buy a bootleg Tshirt form the parking lot because you spent all of your money in soda, cotton, candy, and a water ice. BTW the kids SPLIT the Cotton candy and water ice.
>Out of desperation you will do laps around the stadium 3 times before you find the smoking lounge.
>At one point you will take to your blackberry and read a fanfic in the middle of Justin singing.
>You will scream "I love you Justin" with your kids when they ask
>When you leave you will know Justin's favorite color is Purple, and he was a cutie pie kid.
>You will need to bleach your mind at least 3 times, because if it were visible you would be escorted out of the arena by Chris Hansen.
>You will feel sorry for any Dad there.
You will call people and sing a Justin song to them.
>When you are leaving the show you will listen to Baby, sing it at the top pf your lungs with your kids, then need to hear anything but Justin. Lil Wayne, Eminem, and KOL
>You would do it all over again to see the look on your kids faces when they see their idol.

Bieber Fever

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

People Magazine, we have to call it quits

Dear People Mag,
Remember that time you were a reputable magazine. Readers would turn to you for the true facts of Hollywood news. Interesting stories about real people, and awesome picture spreads.
Well I have to say, you suck hard now. I don't think we can be friends any longer. I think I bought my last People mag today. Its been a long time coming, you just took the cake. You are trying to keep up with the US, OK, Star, which if you haven't noticed are all trash. It sucks that you just print news with out checking facts, in your magazine and online site.

Now for your Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 review.....WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SMOKING? Alynda Wheat, who ever the hell you are, let me tell you something YOU SUCK AT LIFE. YOU SUCK AT MOVIE REVIEWS.
You are obviously not a Potter fan or you would not have given this movie 2 stars out of 4. What the hell are you thinking crack head?
This movie was brilliant. Have you read the books? Have you viewed the other movies? If you have this review I am about to break down, should not let a Potter fan cringe like its going to.

"Sadly dividing J.K. Rowling's final Potter book into two films, how ever logical does more violence to the material than even Voldermort could handle."WHAT? Did you eat a bowl of shit for brains for breakfast? If you have read the book it NEEDED to be split. As for the violence, what? Did you read the book? I really need to know this. I am going to guess no, no you did not. Voldy is a mean ass mother fucker just so you know, so the movie actually sugar coated Mr. Voldy. The material that was included in this part of the movie is just what we needed. Somethings need to be cut out of the book, but they included pretty much everything needed for the non reader to "get" the story line.

"...the film underscores it's tediousness; at 2.5 hours its far to long."What? What? Whaaaaat? You are a fucking wack job. As a Potter fan, and I am sure I speak for other fans, we would have sat in that movie for 4 hours and ate everything up, loving it.

"A clever jaunt into the Ministry of Magic and brisk chase punctuate the dull stretches, but Part 1 is (and utterly feels) like set up for the next summers dramatic finale, with a mighty battle to decide the fate of the world.
If you wanted a action packed movie that filled up every second of the film with no clear plot or interesting dialog maybe you should have reviewed something else. Potter is not this movie, there is actually dialog needed, there is actually things that needed to be discussed, a mystery to be solved, the whole point for a damned movie you moron. It needed to be realistic. Of course this is a set up for the next movie, this is the first half of the book asshole.

"Take heart fellow Potter fan: A better film awaits."A better film awaits? What are you trying to be Alice Cullen now, predict the future? No you idiot Part 2 will be Brilliant, as Brilliant as Part 1....just you wait and see, oh and I cant wait to sit for 5 hours when they both come out on DVD and view both movies back to back. True fact, your are not telling us something that we don't already know.

So basically, your review was rubbish. Everything you wrote was the opposite of what the actual movie was... believe call yourself a "Fellow Potter Fan" well Miss. Thang hand your Potter card in because this is an embarrassment.

I rolled my eyes so hard, I think they are stuck to the back of my head.

Just Dance

Just Dance on wiii. Ever played? Yeah well make sure you do plenty so stretches, take a jog, I don't know do something before you play. This game will whoop your ass. Not as your playing, no, when you wake up in the morning, you will move and WTFBBQ, why am I sore you may ask yourself. You think of any thing you might have done the day before to make yourself hurt. Then it clicks, you danced. You danced your ass off to get a good score to New Kids on the Block's Step by Step, Pump Up the Jam, Fat Boy Slims Indian dance song. Its ridiculous, I was sore for 2 days.
When we first purchased this game we played a straight 5 hours. We were sweaty, breathing heavy, moving body parts that haven't move that way in a long time. But I will tell you what it is FUN!
Whats even more fun is that you can get people to play this game you wouldn't of thought that would play. Like mom's, brothers, brothers friends that are guys. Its pretty damn comical.
So we busted out Just Dance 1 to get back in the groove, since you see Just Dance 2 came out. I think Santa is bringing that to our house, if not for the kids, for me and my adult friends.
Get it, try it, its fun. But be sure to take an aspirin when your through and stay hydrated while playing.
Drop it like it's hot

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Guess whos back, back again

So I decided that I am going to start my blog up again. Ive been writing allot lately and I don't know what to do with it all so Ill just put it on here. I have allot of crap running through my head it would be nice to get it out of my brain and make room for a new batch of shit.

This blog will have no theme, or organization, no rhyme or reason. Just random, ridiculous thoughts, letters, lists, anything goes. Sounds like my life. So I'm going to Edit my next entry so look for it in the next few days. I will try to update with some kind of fuckery at least once a week if no more.

Vanilla Chai